Ad report card...

I used to do this from time to time, back on my old website (which I don't keep up with too much, because I'm busy keeping up with Blogger, and Twitter, and MySpace, and Facebook). Every so often I just go into stoopid ad overload and have to vent, so...

Vonage: The telephone company is evil who has never done anything for you the customer but raise prices, while we at Vonage have done nothing but violate the patents of Verizon (a very large telephone company) to create our system, which piggybacks on the internet backbone built by (you guessed it) the big telephone companies. In fact, if it weren't for the big telephone companies we at Vonage wouldn't even exist.

J.G. Wentworth: Ok, here's the deal. That "structured settlement" you got is probably some sort of annuity. They're popular because you get your million dollars, yet the payer doesn't actually have to spend that much. It's kind of like a mortgage in reverse (but not a reverse mortgage, which is something else entirely) - instead of receiving a bunch of money then paying it back slowly, someone pays a bunch of money that the annuity pays out slowly. And like a mortgage, they can be bought and sold - at a price. Your million dollar settlement is not worth a million dollars now - depending on payout length and the interest rate it could be worth much, much less (minus transaction fees). Of course, if you need the money now...

net10: Poor Bill, he rescues greyhounds from the pound and what does he get for his trouble - his cell phone company is ripping him off on overage fees!! Evil cell phone company!! Of course, the overage fees are listed in his contract that he was supposed to have read before he signed. They're also printed on all the plan brochures (in regular sized print) so the only person Bill really has to blame is himself. Of course, if he doesn't go into overages, his per minute cost is about 25% of the cost of net10 and other prepaid carriers (who all piggyback their services on the networks owned by the evil cell phone companies).

Volkswagen: They used to have such interesting commercials. Now, there's this stupid ad where a young couple wants to look at a car, but every time they get close some a***ole sets off the horn. Every time I see the ad, I hit the mute button - I don't think that was the goal of their advertising department.

FreeCreditReport.com: I actually like these ads, I can't help but sing along. I'm a little disappointed that the one where he complains about his wife is off the air -- but not very suprised.